an overdue update...

some good, some bad

Last year was a lot... January saw the return of my issues with a panic disorder as layoffs began at work; that led to two stints of outpatient and one stint of inpatient care at the local hospital. While on that short-term disability leave, I was laidoff anyway (thanks Michaels!) and have been unemployed since then as I try to recover and stop my shakes and jitters when stress picks ups. So far, it's not working all that well.

I was then denied disability from the state because I haven't been jobless for at least one year, which is a weird/wild stipulation to have. So my savings have been dropping and my credit card debt has been growing slowly since then. It would be great if the world cared about those of us with disorders like autism, anxiety, depression, etc... but it really doesn't. In my experience, when you're borderline suicidal the world responds to your requests for help by asking "do we really need you, anyways?"

One of the small upswings for me was a nose surgery that helped me fix my deviated septum and opened up my sinuses a lot better. I can breathe through my nose without feeling like I'm gonna suffocate now, which is a big win... but I still have to pay off that surgery which the insurance decided to contest (even though I have severe sleep apnea and this was one of the causes, it wasn't "necessary" somehow).

I also had a bit of luck in selecting my new PCP, he's awesome and maybe just as good as the one I found before. He's helped me advocate for myself and get the tests and specialists visits booked that were hard for me to do all on my own. And he's agreed that ME/CFS deserved to be on my charts and that will help me a ton in dealing with insurance from here on out. That chronic fatigue has been killing me slowly ever since my second bout of COVID and everytime I think it's getting better I have a flare up and am down and out for a month at a time.

I wish there was more to write about that wasn't health bullshit, but unfortunately that's been my past year. Lots of health stuff, both physical and mental, and long naps between them.

Here's to hoping that the rest of 2026 looks different than the first half.

04.28.2026 / recovering forever