here & there

traveling soon and stressed

work has a bi-annual design summit in the spring & fall, and with the summer heat finally fading a bit (and blizzcon bumping us earlier than originally planned), its coming up quickly. in the spring i did three talks, and that was way too much for 2 days of stuff. this time i'm doing one (and a half, kinda). one of these days i'll just enjoy others talks maybe... though, i kinda doubt it.

mom's visit a few weekends ago knocked me out for almost two weeks, so i'm betting this one will be a blast and a half. i'm taking a day off this friday to get rested before-hand... and assume the rest of next week will be a wash for most of us.

but with this and blizzcon both coming up soon-ish, i've come to terms with the fact i'll probably get sick again and may not even make it to next year. i've had covid three times now, and each one has come with some lasting effect that was worse than the last. even if i make it through a fourth round, i'm not sure i wanna live that way. my POTS is so bad that walking around the house takes planning. my sleep schedule is beyond fucked thanks to randomly passing out at the desk. fainting due to vertigo or shutdowns due to overstimulation turn into unrestful naps... the only outcome of which is the inability to fall asleep that night.

however, i'll get to meet coworkers i really like and enjoy chatting with online. and i'll meet some friends in-person that i've known for over a decade. and i'll take what precautions i can, wearing masks when no one else does and using/abusing hand-sanitizer to keep my OCD as at-bay as ever.

if i'm honest though, the packing and laundry needed to make the trips work has me more stressed than anything. i've dealt with suicidal ideation most of my life, and made peace with mortality eons ago. but daily chores wear me out so quickly and have no dopamine reward at the end of the tunnel. i'll have to gameify it somehow otherwise i'll just buy new clothes before the trips. and that's not a great use of money since i'll be spending quite a bit on the road anyway.

and i guess i should finish up my talk/presentation so i don't look like an ass in-person. it's one thing to be on zoom winging a speech... it's another in front of people.

09.18.2023 / one week of dread